Ramblings

directions

Yay - Tony left my very first comment. I wrote this as a reply to his comment, but decided that it’d be more suitable as a new item. Here’s that:

I know this new ramblings interface seems a bit superfluous (especially when considering the frequency and caliber of my posts lately), but I’ve always wanted to implement something like this, and who knows where the flexibility of this might go?

First of all, I DO NOT want this to become: a place like fark, where I post funny or unusual or interesting links, gratifying the fact that I can find stupid shit on the internet. Secondly, I don’t want this to be a place where I try to be controversial (or conversational, necessarily) in order to create ‘meaningful’ or even vaguely relevant dialogue. That’s not even remotely my purpose. And frankly, I think the latter has been my “problem” lately with my posts - too conversational, too scripted, too what-i-did-todayish. Essentially, too two-way-streetish, and I can see how this new addition might only fuel that trend in great magnitudes. Ideally, I’d like to remember that this is all about me. It really is. It’s about me. It’s intended to be my journal. If that’s not definitive enough, I’ll go ahead and use the D word. Yes, it’s my diary.

Reading some of my older posts (not that those were right on target for what I wanted to do here — indeed I was lost even then), I recognize that they were much less in tune with the fact that I had/have an audience. And that, I think, is my ultimate goal: a shameless diary. Less “you” audience, more one-way-street. More introspection, less email-style writing. The embarassment of this post (indeed this sentence) is that I’m addressing it to you: you. And that’s also what I’m saying is wrong.

Anyway, I’ve digressed a great deal. This was supposed to be about the potential uses, direction this new ramblings area might go. I don’t know. Right now, members only have the power to leave comments - eventually, maybe, it’ll be nice to start a seperate “room” if you will, for members to make their own posts, sharing pictures and announcements and stories or whatever. God knows you surely have more interesting things to say than me. So. I don’t know. We’ll see. Comments welcome.

Yikes, ya know what? I think I just realized that journals/diaries are seldom really one-way streets, and when they are: they’re boring. Or insanely cheesy. It’s gotta be reciprocal, even if it’s just dialogue with your other personalities or, as is my case, the personas manifested inside your head. I’m starting to feel less bad about the tone of my posts — what is really important is that I write and write and write and write and write and not censor myself for the actual audience. Aha: It’s important for me to have these dialogues (with myself), expressed and extracted through my fingers. I think I’m getting there. I’m making progress, but unfortunately, our time here is up. We’ll see you next week; please pay the secretary up front.

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